:`(
Thursday, July 22, 2004
9:13 AM
I woke up realizing how much I love them...
...
I was dreaming that my family was in a mess. Everything was so horrible. But I was so glad that I was now in reality...
Don't know which part of the day, when I reach home, I realize no one was at home. I panic and ring up my Dad. My mum was hospitalized. I was shocked. Didn't know what to do, I quickly called Dennis and ask him to bring me to the hospital. The most incredible thing is that I couldn't find the hospital at all. The more I panic, the more I can't think. We seek help from the street and finally found it.
The worse have yet to come. No one inform me the ward details. And I can't find the reception to ask for help. I was running round and round in the hospital and finally there it is.
Everyone was waiting outside. And I asked my Dad's how's mum. He told me she just injected some stabilizer and resting now. I slowly walk into her ward...
I couldn't believe my eyes... The Mummy that I faced for the past 20 years... became so listless... sick... I couldn't help but to run over and stroke her hair... I asked her if she wants a good massage. That's the 1st time in my whole life I wrap my arms around her. I look into her eyes and gently whispered... "Mummy... I love you..."
Tears are at the brim of my eyes. I can't let her see them... She will be worried... I wanted very much to stay by her side by sleeping with her through the night. But Dad asked me to go home and rest instead. And so I did... hoping that Morning will be here soon so that I can see my Mum again.
I walked out of the ward and was looking for Dennis. Then I realized he was no where to be found. I tried calling him but no one picks up the call...
I was running and running...
.........................
And I woke up in a break of cold sweat. I grab hold of my alarm clock and it's 4.16am. It was a dream. And thank god it's just a dream... And I am actually dreaming that I was dreaming... Sounds complicated ay?
The 1st thing I did was rush out of my room and stand infront of my parents' room. They are fine... well... and snoring inside... :)
Then, I smsed my baby and tell him how much I love him.
But when I recall the dream... tears are still rolling down my cheeks... just like now... while I am trying to finish this blog in a freezing lab...
The feeling is horrible. I am so and still upset... be it in the dream or now. I don't wish to lose anyone in my life. Thou I know death is something that we can't run away from. But I rather be the 1st to close my eyes before I can see anyone leaving me. The blow will be so huge that I might not be able to take it...
The face of my sickly mum in my dream still deeply imprints in my mind... vividly...
The emptiness I am facing in the dream... The fear... and the helpless me...
Thank god... it's just a nightmare...
...
This Morning when my mum walks into my room... I suddenly got the urge to hug her and tell her I really love her... and the durians she bought for me yesterday. :)
But being in a conservation family which I am in now, guess she won't be quite used to it. But in my heart I know, she loves me as much as I love her...
