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Wednesday, October 27, 2004 7:40 PM I am feeling frustrated, vexed, troubled, and sick. All in one. Darn. I have not stepped out of my house for 24 hours. I think maggots are crawling out of my body. I have not tried being like this. Being unconstructive for one full day. This is horrible. I might be turning into a couch potato. No. Not really. I haven't eaten a proper meal for the last 24 hours. It's as if I am on diet. Whenever I am alone, I tend to think too much. Be it memories flowing back, thinking about "dark" stuffs or being oh-so-pessimistic. Now I can understand why they say never leave a person suffering from depression alone. Skip the unhappy stuff, let me recall my fun days in Bendemeer Secondary. I was chatting with Ling mei and Jeeva on msn and I couldn't help laughing behind the computer screen. Both of them are the lovely memories of my Secondary school days. We can talk about anything and laugh all over it. We love "suaning" each other. We love to crap. We have serious problem about it. But we love it. We love chatting up so much. We are gonna continue it "live" this friday. ;) I didn't enjoy my poly days as much. Seriously it's because I don't have a fixed class. I have nice coursemate but we hardly have more time to chat about personal life. All I know is to study and study in Poly. I don't have fun time. It's very different from those times I spent in BSS. We may not be the clever lot but we are definitely the most fun loving one. In life, other then having to study so hard, able to lead a healthy and happy life is important too. I am so glad I came across this bunch of wonderful classmates. They are the reason for me to stay in BSS happily. I miss those times when we will hold hands and have lunch (or brunch?) at the "tuck shop". I miss those HECTIC PE lessons where we have to run around the school till breathless or play soccer and basketballs with the rough boys. Heh. I miss having lessons in the science labs where I will doze off listening to Mr Leong's never-ending lecturing. I miss having home econ lesson with Miss Joan Ng. Although she love to scold us "stupid" and "idiot" girls, I still enjoy all those cooking session coz she turn me into a house-wife-to-be! I know she love us too. (Despite that once I shouted at her for scolding us.) I miss attending Mr Ong's Maths lesson because he is so patient with us and never raise his voice before. I miss the way he showered our class with love like a Dad. I like the way he confront us for personal problems. I miss those times when our class will have class gathering with him and his wife... Wonder how grown up is his little princess now... I miss those times when I am still the class vice chairman in Sec 1 where I have to write down names of the people who make noise when the teacher is not around. But the names are usually erased off before the teacher comes back. Heh. I miss those times when I have to shout till I turn voiceless just to keep the class quiet. I was so fierce then! Hee. Soon as I became a prefect, I have to do flag rising, which is my favorite. I will usually try to handle the Singapore flag instead because the school flag must always below of the Singapore flag. Haa... Then I don't have to follow the timing of anyone. I hate being the one to lead saying the Bendemeerian Code. I have stage fright. :P Other then that, the prefects have to walk around the school to check if anyone is hiding in the class while everyone is at the parade square. We must check if everyone has a story book and not magazine or with nothing. And late comers! Haa... Those were the days... Oh, and also netball training... I remembered being the temp netball coach for my team. I am a bad one I know. Haa. I don't dare to be fierce. But I really enjoyed being as a team with them. We may not be the best but we have team spirit. Our school team have attitude one okie? Heh... Now, what about those "house" system? We have 4 different houses. They are Rushmore, Kilimanjaro, Olympus and Everest. I was in the Rushmore! Blue colour. Hee. Sweet. I miss everyone from my class but I am sure not everyone misses me. Heh. A person change as time changes too. And now I know who my true friends are. I may have alot of friends coming into my life but it's clear to me who really care and who are not. Ailing and HuiJun are my bestest pal. Jeeva too!(Alamak, girl. You have prolly forgotten about me if Ailing and I didn't bump into you. Hee) They are that kind of friends who won't desert you when you're in need. They won't forget you when they need someone to talk to. They are friends who will never lost contact with you after a long while. I don't care about the amount of friends I have. I only care about the quality. Quality as in who really treated me as their friend. I don't know who else really treated me as their good pal but I know all this while, I have done my part of being a good friend to everyone. I don't care about what will be return to me. I only care about what I have given out. Ailing thought I might be upset if she talks about Emily. Yes, I won't deny I will. But that's the past. I have thought it through. Since I have done nothing wrong at the first place, there shouldn't be any remorseful that I should be facing. I will accept the fact that I have lost a closest buddy who was once so important to me and someone whom I have shared so much tears and joy to an unknown reason. Afterall, I live my life for others who cherish me more. I may not be as optimistic as how I used to be due to all the high and low tides I have been through. But I will still live my life to the fullest for those who still love and care for me after so many years. :) No matter how much time I have left, I will take each step a time to complete my route. I love you peeps. ;)
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