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Friday, February 17, 2006 8:26 PM

I am feeling very aimless right now. This very moment. Is that supposed to be a good thing? When you have no expectation on what's up next so you will not face disappointment? Or life is just a white sheet of paper to me?

2 days ago, the projectdiy trio gathered together at Dayvid's place for a video interview by a group of NTU mass comm students. Thou this may not be the 1st time I am supposed to speak into the camera, I am not well prepared for it.

Among the 3 of us, I am always the one with little words. Not that I have no contribution in this whole team or neither am I being anti-social. I am just bad at words. No... Maybe am bad at speech. Flip through the newpaper articles with interview of us and listening to radio interviews... I am always the quiet one. I have lots to say. Even before they start rolling, I have all the answers in my mind. BUT when they shoot questions at me, my mind went blank. Must be too nervous.

It's like, the questions they asked are those that I have answered for the 101th times... but I still can't do it. Wonder when I am able to overcome this mental hurdle. :| I really take my hats off to actors and actress who can do so well infront of the camera.

Anyway, I did enjoy myself during the shoot. Afterall the shooting crews are a bunch of fun peeps, unlike those real media shits that you have to act serious.

One question from them sets me thinking about my future. What's our future plan? For myself and projectdiy.

I don't care where I will be and what I will be doing 10 years down the road. What matter most is I will still be in this industry. What's more important than perusing your dreams and passion? I don't see making music as a tool of making money. Till date, other than selling one track, I don't earn a single cent for composing the other 44 songs. But I am happy still. Because every single piece of them are my babies. If I never start penning down my feelings into lyrics, I am prolly a very isolated person with all emotions stuck inside me. I sat in my room the whole day today just to listen to every one of them. How wonderful.

I am happy for and envious of Kewei, who is currently the backup vocalist for David Tao world tour concert. But I am more proud to have her in Projectdiy as our main vocalist. How many of you can sing that well? I am sure in Singapore there are lotsa of people who can sing very well. But how do you actually present yourself to stand out from the rest? She has the X-factor that many don't have. Including myself. To me, she is like born to be a star. She doesn't need to go on national TV, sing her lungs out infront of the judges just to cut an album. I think what she is doing right now is even better than cutting an album. How many of you actually dream of standing on the same stage with David Tao and sing a duet with him? Unless you're Kewei.

Among the 3 of us, I am the one with the least accomplishment. Dayvid won numerous awards in competitions... countless performance... and a recent great track for Tong En. Kewei? David Tao is more than enough. Me? Nothing. Not really nothing. But almost nothing.

What I am trying to say is that, when what's meant to be, will meant to be. I am a tad disappointed in myself for trying too hard yet unable to fully fulfill my dream of being a good writer. Should I continue to write many songs for demos sake or write an impressive piece to sell it all over the world?

It's not up to me.

Shit. When I read back on what I just wrote on the above, it's all messed up. If you don't understand, it's okie. I am just splattering a bunch of words here to make myself better. :|

Sleepy. Till then!


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