Wednesday, April 22, 2009
(see that mos burger cup? gotta eat 10 mos burger meals to exchange for 1 cup and I have like 3 at home? Woah 30 mos burger meals! insane.)
I think I am generally quite a simple person. I feel contented and happy easily. Laughing over the slightest thing. But one thing for sure, I am not loving myself enough...
Sometimes I hate seeing myself infront of the mirror. I am definitely not drop dead gorgeous... and it didn't help when I can't put on makeup for nuts. I envy girls who can dress up, make up, and walk with their chest out. Me? It kills to walk out of the house alone. I have zero confidence and it just got worse when I am in a foreign country.
Girls in Hong Kong dress up so well no matter where they go that they make me feel like a backdrop everytime. In Singapore, I can wear shorts and tees and slippers for a meal. But now I have headache everytime I meet the husband for dinner after his work.
I miss home. I miss my family and friends who never fails to give me confidence. I am definitely a much happier person back in Singapore. The husband have been great... but sometimes his job just took him away from me. I know he have been feeling really stress lately and therefore I always keep all my troubles to myself.
Sometimes I wish I had a job... but my visa is a little difficult + it's hard to get a job, and harder to get outta one (we are unsure of the duration we are staying here). I am still writing lyrics... but it's not keeping me busy enough since it's not a fulltime job.
I always loved Hong Kong. I love the toys here (lotsa rilakkuma!), I love cantonese drama, I love dim sum, I love how warm some Hong Kongers can be... I love travelling to HK. But the move made me realise, maybe Hong Kong is just not the place for me to stay for long. No matter how well I speak cantonese back home, no one seems to really understand what I am trying to say here.
I love my "lah, leh, lor", I love speaking in english thou mine sucks quite abit, I love my S$2 hainanese chicken rice (with chicken backside and no one finds me weird), I love eating satays (include raw ones), I love eating chilli sauce, I love shopping till my pants drop with my friends, I love every single bit of my Singapore lifestyle, and it's something I can never have in Hong Kong.
There are so much things in life that I want... like a stable income where I can pamper myself decently every month, a cozy pad of our own, take up a degree in photography, set up a business to sell Rilakkuma, have a healthy mind and body... I don't know how am I supposed to achieve all these if I am in Hong Kong... sometimes it's depressing for me because everyone thinks that I am leading a very relaxing and carefree life but yet it's a direct opposite.
I think twice and thrice before I buy anything these days. Looking at how the rental here is depleting the husband's bank account, I hope we are still able to get our place of our own right after we get back Singapore if we decided to go back 1 day...
I have changed so much ever since we moved to Hong Kong. 1 thing for sure thou, the husband and I got even closer ever since... it's only the both of us here now but I know he secretly misses his family and friends too...
I am happy. But I think I can be happier. I miss home.